Web Log Archive

Saturday, September 22nd, 2007 Debby Boone (star of Treehouse Hostage) is Fifty-One

"It doesn't make a lot of sense for Congress to get involved in this," said Tim Searcy, Chief Executive of the American Teleservices Association, which opposes any effort by Congress to eliminate the five-year registration period for 'Do Not Call'.

Tim expressed concern for consumers who change their minds and want to receive telemarketing pitches (especially at dinner time...for credit cards, mortgages and carpet cleaning) and who would have a tough time making that known if the system changes!

So: d'yever wonder what became of yer third grade teacher? I didn't think so, but...how 'bout yer eighth grade classmates?
Or how 'bout that 'bad influence' on you in yer early twenties? The one who fascinated you 'cuz he seemed to live on the edge...back before you had been around the block and were too easy to impress?
Or how 'bout that person with whom you once shared a loooooooooooooong car ride?
Or...how 'bout that chickadee that ya shoulda hooked up wiff but never did? Well...she might be hard to track down now 'cuz she prolly got married since you last saw her and you might not easily learn (what a Russian woman gets on her wedding night that's long and hard) her new last name.

Or how 'bout yer next-door-neighbor 'back then'? Mine turned out to be the UniBomber!

C'mon! There must be someone of whom you've lost track! Well now, if only to satisfy your curiosity, you might be able to track 'em down fer free...especially if they've died (and're stayin' put)! There are (at least) two free search engines from which you can assemble a surprising amount of information.
The first is called Zabasearch (for live ones) and the other is the Social Security Death Index.
1967 BPD Booking Photo

"Laws are silent in times of war. Let arms give place to the robe, and let the laurel of the warriors yield to the tongue of the orator. I prefer the most unfair peace to the most righteous war."

"One falsehood leads easily to another."

"No one is so old as to think that he cannot live one more year."

Marcus Tullius Cicero, (106-43 BC)

A guy walks into a bar with his German Shepherd:
The bartender says, “Hey buddy, can’t you read that sign? It says ' no dogs allowed'! Get that mutt outta here!
The man replies, “I can’t read the sign–I’m blind, and this is my Seeing Eye dog.”
The bartender, embarrassed, gives the man a beer on the house.
Later that day, the man tells a friend about the encounter: “I told him I was blind, and I got a free beer!”

So the friend takes his dog into the bar and sits down.
The bartender says, “That sign over there says 'no dogs allowed'! You’ll have to leave!”
The friend says, “Sorry, but I can’t see the sign because I’m blind, and this is my Seeing Eye dog.”
The bartender replies, “Since when do they give out Chihuahuas as Seeing Eye dogs?”
The man says, “They gave me a Chihuahua?”

Shortly before the Emperor's surrender broadcast on August 15th, 1945, the Japanese press published emergency dietary recommendations (developed by 'researchers' in Osaka) to help the population deal with what had become a severe food shortage. It was entitled:

As the war neared its end, it was the rare family anywhere that regularly ate white rice as a staple. The most common household diet consisted of barley and potatoes, but even these had fallen into short supply. The emperor's loyal subjects were encouraged to supplement their starch intake by introducing such items as acorns, grain husks, peanut shells and sawdust. (Sawdust, it was explained, could be broken down with a fermenting agent, transformed into a powder, and mixed in a ratio of one to four with flour to make dumplings, pancakes, or bread.) For minerals, people were encouraged to introduce used tea leaves and the seeds, blossoms and leaves of roses to their diet. Protein deficiencies could be remedied by eating silkworm cocoons, worms, grasshoppers, mice, rats, moles, snails, snakes, or a powder made by drying the blood of cows, horses, and pigs.
Well sterilized, the researchers reported, mice and rats tasted like small birds, but it was important to avoid eating their bones since it had been demonstrated that this caused people to lose weight. [?]

From Embracing Defeat, by John W. Dower

Bringing the war into America's living rooms is never a safe political bet. You have an unpopular President going onto prime time television, interrupting Americans' TV programs, to remind them of why they don't like him.
Massimo Calabresi

Bono, lead singer of the band U2, is famous for being a bit self-righteous.

At a recent concert in Glasgow, Scotland, he asked the audience for total quiet. Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands...once every few seconds. Holding the audience in total silence, he said into the microphone, "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies!"
Just then, a voice with a broad Scottish accent came from the front of the crowd:

"During their first meeting in Baghdad, Admiral William ('Potty Mouth') Fallon, chief of the Central Command (CENTCOM), derided Petraeus as a sycophant.
Fallon told Petraeus that he considered him to be 'an ass-kissing little chickenshit'! "
Gareth Porter, Inter Press Service News Agency

"This makes me think that President Bush does think that we will have U.S. troops in Iraq for many, many years to come. He may be right. It reminds me of a comment I once read by a U.S. Army lieutenant in the Korean War:
'This is the damndest war-- we can't win, we can't lose, and we can't leave.' "
-- Tom Ricks

"If you have tears, prepare to shed them now." Julius Caesar, Act 3, Scene 2

"Even up through last week, Alex was working with Dr. Pepperberg on compound words and hard-to-pronounce words. As she put him into his cage for the night last Thursday, Alex looked at her and said: 'You be good, see you tomorrow. I love you.' "

Alex (1976-2007)

Wednesday, September 12th, 2007 Happy Birthday Pam and Patty!

A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician."
She replies, "Well dear, you know you can't do both."

Q: What did the drummer get on his IQ Test?
A: Saliva.

Q: What do you call a guitar player who only knows two chords?
A: A music critic.

Q: How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
A: Put it in a viola case.

Q: What do you call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
A: Homeless.

Tuba Player: "Did you hear my last recital?"
Friend: "I hope so!"

Q: What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
A: Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

Q: Why are harps like elderly parents?
A: Both are unforgiving and hard to get into and out of cars.

Q: How can you tell when a singer is at your door?
A: They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.

Q: How do you get a three-piece horn section to play in tune?
A: Shoot two of them.

"A cucumber should be well-sliced, dressed with pepper and vinegar, and then thrown out."

Samuel Johnson, 1709-1784

OK...so I am a skinflint! The flight I booked from Tampa to Oakland on Southwest was the cheapest I could find. And so what if it took three days, made twelve stops and went by way of Ecuador!?! It got me home, right? And I did save seven bucks, no!?!
I came to pity the poor bastards who work as flight attendants for Southwest and I do wonder what pills they pop! A fixed percentage of them seem to cope by means of the delusional notion that their miserable job is not the dead end it appears to be but is, rather, an interim measure they have taken to support themselves while they hone their show biz skills on the cabin public address system. The same crew handled all the takeoffs and landings of Flight 394 and the one who muscled his way on to the microphone to give the standard flight messages (ya know...about the oxygen masks and the emergency doors and 'in the event we land in the drink' kinda stuff) had this shtick which he wove into the announcements he made just before every landing. He'd tell everyone that, in one (and only one) of the pouches in the back of the seat in front of each passenger there was a voucher for a free case of Coca-Cola. Oh...the lure of free! Nearly everyone (but not me...I wouldn't redeem the fucking voucher if it were handed to me) began to rustle around in their respective pouches. Then, ten minutes later, the stand-up wannabe 'confessed' that he was 'just kidding' about the Coca-Cola voucher! Oh yawn!
Now...the young woman at left is Ms. Kyla Ebbert and she's a yummy twenty-three year old college student who moonlights as a Hooters waitress.
Well, 'Keith' (some Calvinist Southwest flight attendant) threatened to throw Kyla out over the Grand Canyon if she didn't 'cover up'! He said, "I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to take a later flight. You’re dressed inappropriately. This is a family airline. You’re dressed too provocatively for this flight! "