Web Log June 12th through June 25th

Look...hey! I don't have to be told. I know I'm boring!
Here's my latest mix of Can't Believe. All I worked on last night were the vocals. The percussion and other stuff will have to wait. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand, it doesn't help a thing that, by now, I'm pretty sure I've discovered a software 'bug' in Pro Tools 6.9. It's something that's also in Pro Tools 6.4. I won't bore you with it (just now). I'm not bereft of mercy, ya know. The bug is probably not there on all machines...only ones with certain 'chipsets', I'll bet. I'll report it to Digidesign and wait for a reply. Details later. Nobody cares, anyway, who isn't running this version of the program on a Windows platform.

"It's not hard to understand why the millionaire, with the power to satisfy so many desires, might want to claim another's bread. But why does the chauffeur open the door?"

What I posted last night represents the first serious attempt to use my new MXL990 for vocals. I'm also trying various 'track offset' effects on these vocals. What I mean by that is...I'll copy a recorded vocal track and then shift the copy (later in time) by a very small amount (here, that 'small amount' is 0.03 seconds=30 ms). So...you can't actually hear the offset (as such...when both tracks are played back, I mean), but it adds 'presence' to the voice. For now, I'm trying to keep my use of the Pro Tools built-in plug-ins to a minimum. One reason is that I don't entirely trust them (and this, I admit, might be due to residual ignorance on my part about how best to configure them) but the other reason is that these plug-ins (reverb, delay, compression, limiting, gating, 'de-essing') readily absorb the computer's processing power, leaving it to crawl. 'Course, I'm still limping along with 'only' 500 Mb of RAM on my Pentium 4 recording computer. But ya know what? After I get my next Social Security check I'm gonna find my bifocals and then hobble out on my walker to buy another 500 Mb...to make one whole Gb! :-)

More Shop Talk Notes on Can't Believe for visiting Group members: there's two-part harmony on the verses and three-part harmony on the two choruses and track offsets on each part. The only percussion so far is a bass drum. I intend to add wood block, snare and cymbals this weekend. Also, probably will redo both guitar parts using a MXL991. Right now they're recorded with an AKG D3800. Anybody wanna try to sell me a brick & mortar synthesizer?

Although I am hard-pressed to remember the last time I even heard of somebody in this country burning an American flag, it sure makes me feel better to know that our House of Representatives does not shy away from this burning issue. I was afraid...what with the ghastly, futile and counterproductive war in Iraq and with Iran and North Korea both going nucular on their evil axles and with gasoline predicted to hit $3 a gallon next year and with the nation still reeling from the sight of Janet Jackson's bare boob...that our Congressional leaders would have chosen to ignore this urgent matter!
Only dare to dream, folks! Dream how much better we'll be when you know you can get locked up for desecrating the foremost symbol of democracy, peace and freedom in our troubled world!?!

Warning: shop talk (might be terminally boring). I've spent the last three days working on a set of accompaniment tracks for Maggie to re-sing LYT. Lotsa little changes in the arrangement but what's different is that
1) I finally got around to upgrading (for free) to Pro Tools LE 6.9 (from LE 6.4) and
2) thanks to some interactions with a Home Recording List on Yahoo! Groups that I subscribe to, I learned about a current microphone package offering from MXL (now part of the Marshall Corporation (the company that's been the standard for thirty years in muscle amplifiers)). For only about $100 I got a MXL 990 and 991. These are condenser microphones differing from each other only in their housing. What a deal! Truly, these mics are comparable to ones costing $500 apiece!
The 990 will be my new main vocal mic and the 991 is designed for, among other things, acoustic guitar recording.
Maggie will eventually do the lead vocal on this project but for now, to demonstrate the microphone, I sang it myself...Down in her key.
So give it a listen...especially for the sound of my 65 year-old Gibson L-12,

as recorded on the MXL 991.
It sounds like a GD Dobro, for the luv uv Jesus! I've exaggerated it (the L-12) a bit in the (mono) mix so that my fellow home recording enthusiasts can glean a sample of the amazing sound from a microphone that only costs about $50!
Oh...and one more piece of shop talk: the Neumann U 87 has, for as long as I've been alive, has been THE gold (there is, literally, gold in the construction) standard of recording (and even for many live broadcasts) condenser microphones. But it lists for more than $3,000.00 and can not be had for any less than about $2500.00! Nearly ALL the singing you hear on commercial radio has been recorded on a Neumann U 87. Someday.

Only one born every minute?
Perhaps a fool and his money are soon parted but do you really get what you pay for?"

Yesterday, some sucker paid more than $25K for three 'paintings' by a monkey.

I'm gonna see if KC over here can hold a brush in his paws.
We knead the dough, ya know?

I believe that pride goeth before a fall.

I believe that language itself obscures many truths and that 'opposites' are inseparable.

There is no good without bad. There is no love without hate. Much that is serious is spoken in jest.

I believe it is possible to live one's whole life in a state of confusion and distraction: focused on the satiation of one's desires.

I believe it is possible to live one's whole life in the 'comfort' of having persuaded someone else to think well of us.

I believe that 'real love' can only be the act of giving without expectation of return.

I believe that there is no God and I believe that there is nothing but God.

I believe that my answers may not be your answers.

Tuesday, June 21st, 2005 A Solstice, First Day of Summer in the Northern Hemisphere

Longest day of the year up here. Shortest one down there.
'Solstice' derives from the Latin 'solstitium'...translatable as 'the Sun stands' (or it sits; in any event, it appears to stop and go back the other way).

The MP3 I posted last night is special because it features the singing of my wonderful daughter. It will be apparent to the discerning (if not the casual) ear that this is a simple recording, mixed monaurally. There's no percussion. There's no harmony. Both guitars were added (separately, of course) in single takes. There is no use of any so-called 'plug-ins'. I got an interesting bass sound (by combining two distinct sounds)...but I made it too prominent (for typical computer speakers, at least) in this first quick mix. If you can roll off the bass on your system, prepare to do so.
OK. It's clear that I can't (yet) call myself a recording engineer. My skills, here, do fall short of the goal of capturing a flawless recording of Maggie's beautiful voice. Alas, there are two or three touches of (digital) distortion in the first verse (mostly audible as noise accompanying the stronger vocal excursions)...before I found the right level. But the track has a pretty, settled feeling about it. It is enhance-able and I'll be enhancing it over the next few weeks, for sure; but I didn't want to wait for 'polish' before I shared with you the sound of Maggie's voice.

Monday, June 20th, 2005

Been spending a Godawful amount of time on my latest project(s). Last night I decided to post the one closest to sounding like something.

Back in the 60's (yes, the 1960's), while I was dodging the draft,

it never occurred to me that I would ever live long enough to be in favor of it!

"It's easy to be macho when you have nothing at risk. The hawks want the war to be fought with other people's children, while their own children go safely off to college, or to the mall. If the United States had a draft, political leaders would think much longer and harder before committing the country to war." Bob Herbert

This morning's insight comes from my buddy Skip.
"You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape.
If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40.
If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape."

Sunday, June 19th, 2005

As any youngster knows, you can only add so much sugar to your Kool-Aid. Add more than 'so much'...and what happens? The sugar begins to accumulate at the bottom of the pitcher (or glass...or whatever it is that you use to make yer Kool-Aid). The point at which this accumulation begins is known as the 'saturation point'. Kool-Aid (aka colored water) can only accept (i.e., dissolve) 'so much' sugar before it becomes 'saturated'.
And so, there is no such thing as 'oversaturated', just as there is no such thing as 'more unique' (and yes, CVX'ers, there isn't now nor has there ever been anything "Better Than The Best").
And so, it was with surprise that I took note of a rare oversight on the part of the eminently erudite copy editors of the Times in today's (otherwise) brilliant column by the (otherwise) brilliant columnist Frank Rich.

Saturday, June 18th, 2005

I trust that NewPeep will forgive me some day
as I plagiarize (and second) her ever-fluent prose from Flag Day:

"You know something that's grossing me out? Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. I don't give a shit that they're seeing each other, I don't give a shit about the age difference between them..., but must they paw each other in public and gush incessantly? Gross."

Right on, Peep!

Sycophant is the only word I can conjure to describe someone...anyone who would write about Alfred's "dazzling inaugural address". Yup! That's what he wrote, folks! I've never (knock, knock) had a breathing problem but this left me gasping. Whatever could he mean?

And I can't quite be sure that those highbrow Commie blame-America-first-ers at the National Fishwrap of Record are being straight when they write that the Weekly Standard is "Arguably the most influential opinion journal at the White House"!

Friday, June 17th, 2005 Thirty-Third Anniversary of a 'Third-Rate Burglary'

Kissimmee, you fool! "That was my dream, to have a Ford Expedition." Yeah, OK...but what about a daughter named Rotsenmary, a mutt named Chakuil, a crispy kitten named Beethoven and a nodding-off 'yes, dear' husband named Nestor?

This is one of my very favorite pieces. After some searching, I was finally able to rediscover it...but its author does not seem to be known. It's called,

"Darwin's Mistake"

Three monkeys sat in a coconut tree
Discussing things as they're said to be
Said one to the others "Now listen, you two
There's a certain rumor that can't be true,
That man descended from our noble race.
The very idea is a disgrace.
No monkey ever deserted his wife
Starved her babies, or ruined her life,
And another thing you will never see
A monkey build a fence around a coconut tree,
And let the coconuts go to waste,
Forbidding all other monkeys to taste.
If I put a fence around this tree,
Starvation would force you to steal from me.
Here's another thing a monkey won't do:
Go out at night and get in a stew,
And use a gun or a club or a knife
To take some other monkey's life.
Yes, man descended, the ornery cuss -
But, brother, he didn't descend from us.

Thursday, June 16th, 2005 Happy Birthday, Audie!

No, not the quarter but the plug of wax came from my left ear...vacuumed out yesterday afternoon by a local otorhinolaryngologist. Yup! Look that up in your Funk & Wagnalls, why don't ya? I coulda kissed him!
And my left ear has been my good ear during these past three weeks of involuntary quietude. The plug he got out of my right ear disappeared into the vacuum cleaner bag!

Wednesday, June 15, 2005 Happy Birthday, Jay! Happy Birthday, Alice!

Stop me if you've heard this: In order to help pay his legal bills, Michael Jackson is conducting a sale within his international line of clothing.
That's right! "Boys' Pants, Half-Off!"

"The bloggers have every right to be disgusted with the mainstream media, which once covered every stained dress, cigar and rumor..."

We, usually, know what we want. We, hardly ever, know what will make us happy.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005 Flag Day!

"We have been picketing for a long time. All of a sudden the police are out there trying to stop the honks," said peacenik Melvin Fiske, a corporal in the Marines during World War II. "We assume honking is as American as (apple) pie. If people want to applaud our actions it is their right to do that."
Well...no! I say it might be 'all of a sudden' but it is certainly about time! Recreational horn-honking is an activity performed by people with primitive nervous systems! Horns were installed on automobiles as safety devices...to warn others of imminent danger! They are purposefully designed to sound ugly and be disruptive! So it is rude and crude to honk one's horn for any reason other than a safety reason (or to awaken the driver of the car in front of you once the light has turned green). It is formidably gross to honk your horn each time you lock (or unlock) your car doors! There oughta be a law!

Quiz: What's the definition of a 'split-second'? Answer: the interval between the light turning green and the guy in back of you honking his horn.

Looking to enhance your spiritual life?

Monday, June 13, 2005

Some folks give bigots a bad name... so if Mr. Phelps and his gang get to heaven, then it 'might as well be hell'.
Lest you assume Rev. Phelps is bereft of humor, try this: "The same Bible passage (Lev. 18) that condemns homosexuality also condemns bestiality & incest. The popinjay King of Sweden - a moral titmouse in the plumage of a peacock, who lives lavishly with his lazy, horny kids on Sweden's largest social security check - is King of Fags, King of Zoophiles, King of Pedophiles, and King of Incestuous Perverts." Whoa! And this Holy Fellow doesn't even like Bush! Does that mean he's not all bad?

So you think you got worries? Kathy Trant is down to her last $500,000!

Sunday, June 12, 2005

This 'concept' of 'safe and sane' graduation parties for high school kids emerged from the reality that tragic accidents on such nights were becoming achingly predictable. 'Accidents', in this context, was (were) assumed to mean car accidents (from drinking and driving). But a 1997 story from the Jersey Shore (where I graduated a few years earlier ;-)) sticks in my memory: a young woman, on her graduation night (at a safe and sane gathering at a beach country club in the town of Deal), drowned in a whirlpool bath before anyone could remove power to the tub's suction pump. Yes, she was held under water by the suction. No one nearby could pull her out of the bath before anyone could run 'downstairs' to find the breaker panel containing the switch that powered the pump. Local building codes, in the wake of this freak disaster, have been amended to require that all whirlpool/recirculating bath installations have a visible and readily accessible emergency STOP button within 'so many' feet of the fixture.
So far, after some searches on two 'engines', this is the only reference I can find.

“I realized,” he wrote, “that I had met with a completely new system of thought, surpassing all I knew before. This system threw a new light on psychology and explained what I could not understand before in esoteric ideas.”