Web Log Archive, April 6th through April 19th, 2008

Saturday, April 19th, 2008

"Who goes out for wool often comes home shorn! " ancient proverb

Poor Phil. I suppose when Tricia, his trophy wife, hired a film crew to come to their Park Avenue penthouse to make a YouTube video of 'her side' of their not-quite-amicable divorce, he figured things couldn't get much worse. Phil's at least a quarter-century older than his svelte, blonde wife and, I imagine, he married her to impress his wealthy friends with his timeless virility. But tranqu'd-out Tricia put the kibosh on any of that sort of scuttlebutt when she declared (to an audience of two million...and counting) that (in addition to his being a stingy old trout), he never could get it up for her...even with a (chemical) crane! So what could Phil do but bury his bald head? His lawyer allowed as to how he was (is), well, "embarrassed"!
Within a few days of the appearance of the scurrilous video, things did get worse. Phil's hometown newspaper of record featured an article about nasty divorces in the Age of the Internet and used Tricia's video as the extreme example of the cyber-fury of a woman scorned. Now Phil has no place to hide. But there is some good news. His last name is 'Smith'.

"The test of a man or woman's breeding is how they behave in a quarrel."  GBS

Friday, April 18th, 2008             One Hundred Second Anniversary of the San Francisco Earthquake

Sex Among Seniors (Ew!)

David and his wife Roberta, both Medicare recipients, scrupulously avail themselves of the recommended annual physical exam:

The doctor had good news for David (he appeared to be in fine health) so he went on (as is routine) to ask the elderly gentleman if he had any new health concerns over the past year which he would now like to discuss. "In fact I do! ", replied David. "Ya see...after my wife and I have sex the first time, I am usually hot and  sweaty...but after the second time, I am usually cold and chilly." Frankly puzzled that a man of such advanced age was, evidently, still so interested in the pleasures of the flesh, the doctor told David that he might be able to offer an explanation once he had finished Roberta's evaluation.

So...after examining David's wife, he asked her if she had any new health concerns this year. She replied that she did not. The doctor said, "Well, your husband voiced a somewhat unusual concern. He claims that he is hot and sweaty after having sex the first time, but then cold and chilly after the second time. Can you think of why that might be?"
"Of course," said Roberta. "The first time is in July and the second time is in December! "

Thursday, April 17th, 2008

"I've served with seven presidents. When they come in, they all make mistakes. They all get older. This one guy running is about as old as me. Let me tell you something, it's no old man's job."
Congressman Jack Murtha, who turns 76 in June, commenting on John McCain, who will be 72 in August.

Wednesday, April 16th, 2008

...and me without a spoon:

"...not all diet products feature the 'oily bowels' and 'anal leakage' that made alli an instant success. Because the active ingredient in alli, Orlistat, blocks the body's absorption of fat and ushers it out the bowels, sometimes before a person is ready or warned, GlaxoSmithKline originally cautioned users to bring backup underwear with them or wear dark colors. Users could even exchange 'accident support group' tips on alli's online message board.
In 1998, Frito Lay introduced WOW potato chips, made with Olestra, a chemically indigestible fat that passed right out of the body. Quickly. But two years after its introduction, Wow's sales tanked. Not only did it not make people thin, they didn't like its 'treatment effects'. " 
 Martha Rosenberg

Tuesday, April 15th, 2008               Lincoln died one hundred forty-three years ago and the Titanic sunk ninety-six years ago. 

I don't watch Jon Stewart much any more. Seems like ever since he first hosted the Oscars in 2006, he's become a self-caricature: perhaps eager to stay in the 'mainstream' after a sip of it. [He makes me think: Bob Hope.] I'm put off by the way the in-studio audience (for The Daily Show) fawns over his often-puerile material. But today he made a good (if obvious) point about this seemingly-endless question of whether or not Barack Obama's recent remarks (made in Marin County, of all places) about 'bitter' small-town people are 'elitist' comments. Let's leave aside the fact that Obama was merely re-stating what has been common wisdom for a near half-century: 'the times they are a changing' and American manufacturing jobs (long the staple of blue collar cradle-to-grave employment) have been going away...either leaving our shores or disappearing altogether in the face of (what used to simply be called) 'automation'. And yeah, Barack was right to observe that people who have been 'left behind' usually do cling to icons of their past. Religion, guns and racially non-diverse communities did characterize rural life fifty years ago.
But (moving back to the point) why and how did 'elite' and 'elitist' become smear words? Don't we want someone in a leadership role to be 'elite' (defined as 'representing the most choice or select; best')?
Rooting around on the 'Net for articles on this subject, I came across a piece written almost exactly one year ago by Bill Maher. An excerpt:

"The right-wing crusade to demonize elites has paid off. Now the country's run by incompetents who make mediocrity a job requirement. I don't get it: In other fields -- outside of government -- elite is a good thing. But in politics, elite is bad -- the elite aren't down-to-earth and accessible like you and me and President Shit-for-Brains."

Monday, April 14th, 2008   One hundred forty-three years ago, Lincoln was shot. Ninety-six years ago, the Titanic struck an iceberg. 

"She is running around talking about how...she values the Second Amendment....like she's Annie Oakley...like she's on the duck blind every Sunday. She's packing a six-shooter. This is the same person who took money from financial folks on Wall Street and then voted for a bankruptcy bill that makes it harder for folks right here to get a fair shake. This is the same person who spent a decade with her husband campaigning for NAFTA, and now goes around saying she's opposed to NAFTA."
Barack Obama

Sunday, April 13th, 2008

From today's Frank Rich column:

"Most Americans don’t want to hear, see or feel anything about Iraq, whether they support the war or oppose it. They want to look away, period, and have been doing so for some time. The simple explanation for why we shun the war is that it has gone so badly. But another answer was provided by Senator George Voinovich, who said, 'The truth of the matter is that we haven’t sacrificed one darn bit in this war...never been asked to pay a dime, except for the people that we lost.' A home front that has not been asked to invest directly in a war, that has subcontracted it to a relatively small group of volunteers, can hardly be expected to feel it has a stake in the outcome five stalemated years on. Mr. McCain says Americans want 'victory,' whatever that means today, and yes, they would if it could be won on the terms promised by Mr. Bush five years ago — fast, and with minimal sacrifice. Unable to even look at the fiasco anymore, the nation is now just waiting for someone to administer the last rites."

The suspense is over! By now we all know the identity of Miss USA 2008! She is Crystle Stewart, a 26 year-old 'entrepreneur' from (somewhere in) Texas! And...she's not just a pretty face with enormous boobs! No! She hold a degree in Consumer Science from the University of Houston! The Pageant was "one of the year's most exciting live television events" and how could it be otherwise? It was hosted by Donny and Marie, graced by the presence of world-renowned gold-digger Heather Mills and held in "in one of the world’s most electrifying cities (Las Vegas)"!

The Miss USA pageant has long been a poor man's Miss America Pageant. But this year, its organizers were looking to change that by featuring a contestant with cerebral palsy: Miss Iowa, Abbey Curran. After all, in 1995, Heather Whitestone was crowned Miss America...in spite of being stone deaf! Heather's motto is "with God's help, anything is possible!"

Friday, April 11th, 2008

Avoid inquisitive persons, for they are sure to be gossips, their ears are open to hear, but they will not keep what is entrusted to them. Once a word has been allowed to escape, it cannot be recalled.

He will always be a slave who does not know how to live upon a little. The covetous man is ever in want.

Fortune makes a fool of those she favors too much. Adversity reveals genius, prosperity conceals it.


Horace, 65-8, BC


Thursday, April 10th, 2008                     

                        From grape vine, pecan bark and yard-sale crystal:

Wednesday, April 9th, 2008

Reporter: What's your advice to the average American who is hurting now, facing the prospect of $4 a gallon gasoline, a lot of people facing...
Bush: Wait, what did you just say? You're predicting $4 a gallon gasoline?
Reporter: A number of analysts are predicting...
Bush: Oh, yeah?
Reporter: $4 a gallon gasoline this spring when they reformulate.
Bush: That's interesting. I hadn't heard that.
Reporter: Yes, sir.
From transcript of White House Press conference, February 28, 2008

Tuesday, April 8th, 2008               KC is nine years old. 

Monday, April 7th, 2008              Jerry Brown is seventy years old.

Rather little is known about the life of Jane Austen. During her forty-one year lifetime (1775-1817), she published nothing in her own name. Cameras had not yet been invented and there is but one contemporaneous drawing of her (by her sister, in 1810). She never married and it is thought that she succumbed to an illness (Hodgkin Lymphoma) that would not even have a name until 1832.
In 2008, she has a fan base which borders on a cult-following. Not everyone, however, has been mesmerized by her style, characterized by a frequent use of the double negative (e.g., 'not without', 'lack of scarcity', 'un-subdued'). Mark Twain said this about the absence of a Jane Austen novel from his ship's library: " Just that one omission alone would make a fairly good library out of a library that hadn't a book in it."

Yet I find her writing to be original...and stately. There is nothing vulgar (nary a reference to anything excretory or sexual) and nothing violent. She describes a world without automobiles or electricity and is unapologetic for the attention she gives to the importance of money as it shapes human pairings:

"Single Women have a dreadful propensity for being poor—which is one very strong argument in favour of Matrimony..."

Sunday, April 6th, 2008

Napoleon Bonaparte, 1769-1821

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