Web Log Archive, March 9th through March 22nd, 2008
Saturday, March 22nd, 2008 The day traditionally marked as the Vernal Equinox.
"Who
laughs last, laughs best", goes the centuries-old saying. But "thou
shalt not speak ill of the dead" is an admonition that seems to
pre-date written language. Those of us who habitually read obituaries
will attest that it is a stricture scrupulously obeyed. Rare is it to find a death
notice that does not refer to a decedent's 'brave'
(if not 'valiant),
though futile, struggle against his final infirmity. Words like 'cherished',
'beloved', 'faithful'
and 'dear' abound.
But I, having been dropped on my head as an
infant, have long harbored a wish to read an obituary written by an
adversary of one departed: by someone who has long-nursed a grudge grown to a visceral hatred. This morning, my perverse wish came true within Gore
Vidal's 'death notice' for William F. Buckley. Mr. Vidal is without even a neutral adjective for the late Mr. Buckley.
His
vituperations extend even to Mr. Buckley's grieving "brain-dead
(and creepy) son Christopher." One can
nearly taste his "survivor's delight" at getting that proverbial
'last laugh'.
An excerpt: "...back in 1968, ABC TV had asked me and Buckley to “debate” each other at the Democratic and Republican conventions. Although Buckley was often drunk and out of control, he was always a spontaneous liar on any subject that his dizzy brain might extrude. Buckley was a world-class American liar on the far right who would tell any lie he thought he could get away with. Years of ass-kissing famous people in the press and elsewhere had given him, he felt, a sort of license to libelously slander those hated liberals who, from time to time, smoked him out."
Here's a YouTube replay of that convivial exchange between an eloquent and provocative Mr. Vidal and an enraged Mr. Buckley.
Friday, March 21st, 2008 Happy Birthday, Christine!
Peter Norton of Symantec today issued an urgent warning about a powerful new virus making the rounds, especially infecting computer users born before 1950.
It seems that this virus will
1)
Cause you to send the same e-mail twice.
2) Cause you to send blank e-mail.
3) Cause you to send email to the wrong people.
4) Cause you to send jokes back to the people who first sent them to you.
5) Cause you to forget to attach an attachment.
6) Cause you to hit "SEND" before you've finished the
John Willoughby of McAfee Systems has
dubbed this dreaded malicious software the C-Nile
Virus.
Thursday, March 20th, 2008
Wednesday, March 19th, 2008
"We seldom stop to think that we are still creatures of the sea, able to
leave it only because, from birth to death, we wear the water-filled space suits
of our skins."
"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable
from magic."
"The intelligence of the planet is constant, and the population is growing."
"...if there are any gods whose chief concern is man, they cannot be very
important gods."
Sir
Arthur C. Clarke, 1917-2008
Tuesday, March 18th, 2008
"I
think it's been a difficult, challenging but nonetheless successful endeavor
that's been well worth the effort. I think the President's made a number of very
tough and difficult decisions that have been carried out by some extraordinarily
capable people. I come away with a sense that there has been significant
progress since I've been here 10 months ago."
Dick Cheney, speaking to reporters within the 'Green
Zone' in Baghdad yesterday (on a day when at least forty-three people
were killed in a
suicide bombing, fifty miles north, in Karbala). One does
wonder what an unsuccessful endeavor might look like.
Monday March 17th,
2008
St. Patrick's Day!
So
Pat Reardon
goes up to Father O'Grady after Sunday Mass...and she's in tears.
So the old priest says,
'What's troubling you,
my dear?'
Pat says, 'Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last
night! '
O'Grady says, 'Oh, that's
terrible! Did did he make any last requests? '
'That he did,
Father. '
'What did he
ask? '
He said, 'Pat! Put down that
gun! '
Sunday, March 16th, 2008 The 40th Anniversary of the My Lai Massacre.
"Per its terms of service,
Photobucket removes all pictures that include nudity, regardless of the
subject's age, in order to ensure the safety and security of its users. We do
not allow images of children or adults exposing there (sic)
naked butts. While we understand that in a family
album type of setting, these images are innocent, we must remove the content
because of the nudity and believe that this restriction is in the best interest
of children's safety. This policy applies to all accounts, public or private. We
ask that you keep these images on your personal computers and not host them on
Photobucket.com."
Dan
Berger, spokesman for Photobucket
Saturday, March 15th,
2008
The ides.
Oops!
"I realize some people
may have expected Hankins to be terminated. However, my philosophy is if an
employee makes a mistake while trying their best to perform their duties, I will
try to salvage them."
Sheriff Tim Helder of Washington
County, Arkansas, commenting on the 'job performance' of Cpl. Jarrod
Hankins, who (that's what he did, he) 'held her' (Adriana
Torres-Flores) in a courthouse holding cell for four days without food,
water or access to a bathroom because he "became
busy and forgot"!
Friday, March 14th, 2008
Day! Also, it's the
birthday of Albert Einstein!
In observance of this mathematically significant day, Skip sent me the following (which, I am told, will only work this year):
How Your Eating Habits Reveal Your Age!
Although the math is simple, have a
calculator or scratch pad handy.
1) First, pick the number of times per week that you like
to eat out (make the number more than one, but less than ten).
2) Then, multiply that number by 2.
3) Now, add 5.
4) Then, multiply by 50.
5) If you've already had your birthday this year add 1758...if you
haven't, then add 1757.
6) Now, subtract the four-digit year in which you were born.
Finally: You should now have a three digit number.
The first digit will be the number you chose in 1), and the next two numbers are your age!
Thursday, March 13th, 2008
"To be truly happy, one must be
susceptible to illusions, for it is to illusions that we owe the majority of our
pleasures. Unhappy is the one who has lost them."
"I am in my own right a whole person, responsible to myself alone for all that I am, all that I say, all that I do."
Marquise
du Chatelet (1706-1749)
Wednesday, March 12th,
2008
Deep and Abiding!
So...you think you've got issues?
"She was not glued. She
was not tied. It is hard to imagine. ... I still have a hard time
imagining it myself."
Sheriff Bryan Whipple, Ness County, Kansas.
"It just kind of happened
one day. She went in and had been in there a little while, the next time it was
a little longer. Then she got it in her head she was going to stay...like it was
a safe place for her. She is an adult. She made her own decision. But it was my
fault. I should have gotten help for her sooner, I admit that. But after a
while, you kind of get used to it."
Kory McFarren
"I don't think anybody
can make any sense out of it. What surprises me is somebody wasn't called in a
bit earlier."
James Ellis, neighbor of Pam
Babcock, a lifelong resident of Ness City (and Kory's girlfriend)
Tuesday, March 11th, 2008
"All great writers upon health and morals, both ancient and modern, have struggled with
this stately subject; this shows its dignity and importance. Some of these writers have taken one side, some the
other:
Caesar says,
"To the lonely it is company; to the forsaken it is a friend; to the aged and
to the impotent it is a benefactor; they that are penniless are yet rich, in that they still have this majestic
diversion."
Robinson Crusoe says, "I cannot describe what I owe to this gentle
art."
Queen Elizabeth said, "It is the bulwark of
virginity."
Such are the utterances of the most illustrious of the masters of this renowned science, and apologists for it.
The names of those who decry it and oppose it are legion; they have made strong arguments and uttered bitter speeches against it — but there is not room to repeat them here, in much detail.
Brigham Young, an expert of incontestable authority, said, "As compared with the
other thing, it is the difference between the lightning bug and the
lightning."
Solomon said, "There is nothing to recommend it but its
cheapness."
As an amusement it is fleeting; as an occupation it is wearing; as a public exhibition there is no money in it. It has at last, in our day of progress and improvement, been degraded to brotherhood with flatulence. Among the best bred, these two arts are now indulged only in private."
Excerpted from Some
Thoughts on the Science of Onanism, a speech delivered in Paris by Mark
Twain in 1879 to 'The Stomach Club',
a society of American writers and artists.
According to Warren Boroson,
this speech was not openly published until 1964! "In the entire history of bawdy literature, perhaps no work has been the subject of such high-handed suppression and such shamefaced
secrecy."
Monday, March 10th, 2008
Seasonal humor, courtesy of Debbie
Six Irishmen were playing poker in Kevin O'Leary's
apartment when Paddy Murphy, who had just lost $500 on a single hand, stood up,
clutched his chest, and fell over dead on the table. Out of respect for their
fallen friend, the other five continued to play...standing up.
At length, Michael O'Connor looked around and said, "Oh,
me boys, one of us is going to have to break this to Paddy's wife! Who's it
gonna be?"
So they drew straws and Paul Gallagher picked the short one. The other four told
him to be gentle and not make this bad situation any worse!
So Gallagher walked over to Murphy's house and knocked. Mrs. Murphy answered the
door and asked him what he wanted.
Gallagher said, "Your husband
just lost $500 and now he's afraid to come home!"
"Jesus, Mary and Joseph!"
exclaimed Mrs. Murphy. "Go back
and tell him to drop dead!"
"OK!
", said
Gallagher. "That's what
I'll do."
Sunday, March 9th,
2008
Daylight Savings Time sucks!
